Fallen from Grace
by nakiko
Summary: Poor Seifer..........the entire Garden is his enemy,but he takes the insults and the violence without protest,desperate to protect his dream of becoming a SeeD....until Zell discovers his darkest secret... (YAOI) ~COMPLETE~ MY third ficcie so please R&R^
1. Default Chapter

Chapter One:  
  
Heya Nakiko here,I'm only gonna waffle on for a little while so bear with me.....this fic is set 6 months after the events of Final Fantasy 8 and follows the game (To a point) I wanna dedicate this chapter to my mum,Sue,the most important person in my life (even more important than Zell-is that hard to believe?!?!!?)  
  
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(Balamb,early morning.)  
  
The streets were empty,just the way he liked them.  
  
No one to mutter those words,ingrained in his mind like a brand.....  
  
*loser*  
  
*Traitor*  
  
*Sorceress' knight*  
  
He figured it was true,that their disgust was deserved.......but now,  
  
(I'm trying....doesn't anyone notice that?)  
  
Seifer brushed sharp,cornfield coloured bangs back off his pale forehead,the sun warming his shoulders as he strode under the archway entrance of the rural town of Balamb.His clothes were a stark contrast to the "old" uniform,no trenchcoat,no gunblade just a plain long-sleeved black t-shirt and jeans.  
  
(.....blend in......maybe they'll forget......)  
  
He could see Garden in the distance,shrouded with a cocoon of light grey mist,its smooth rounded sides glistening in the morning rays.  
  
(.......Hyne......)  
  
He took a long,deep breath tasting the salt and floral scents mingling in the cool breeze,pausing to cast a glance out over the raging swell of the ocean,before moving on,towards Garden.  
  
(......it's perfect.......if only.....)  
  
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"Yo Almasy?" Seifer didn't recognise the voice,rising above the sounds of the other students as he entered the classroom.He kept his head down,fixed unwaveringly on the floor and carried on walking to his seat.  
  
"What are you still doing here? I didn't know they let Galbadian Bastards into SeeD!"   
  
The room echoed with laughter as one by one the students reacted to the insult,their eyes lighting up with mirth,mocking whispers winding through the rows.  
Seifer found his chair,not bothering to respond,every fibre of his being screaming against his lack of dignity.  
  
(Six months ago,that little shit would be on the floor with a gunblade in the   
  
face.......can't do it anymore can you? This is your final chance at SeeD.....don't screw it up,don't let them get to you.........under your skin......)  
  
He touched the screen of his console,checking the messageboard,as usual there were a few anonymous comments about him,he erased them with a sigh,striking the emotion from his eyes,pulling that icy curtain down around himself once more.  
  
The catcalls died down as Instructor Quistis entered the room,flanked by her assistants,Rajin and Fujin,looking as strange and mismatched as the first day Seifer had met them.  
  
(Abandoned me didn't you.........didn't share my dreams.......I don't blame you...)  
  
Quistis began the lesson,sitting perched on the edge of her desk,her words reaching Seifer's ears,understood and remembered,but his attention was truly somewhere else.......  
  
Suddenly a piece of paper landed in his lap,screwed up into a tight ball,he regarded it suspiciously for a few seconds and then curiosity took over.The scrawly,hurried writing barely legible he picked through the note's message,  
  
**watch yourself.....accidents do happen in Balamb,we wouldn't want to see you hurt.....**   
  
It was embellished with a crudely drawn smiley face,he looked down the line of desks,but everyone was absorbed in Quistis' lecture.  
  
(.......Whatever.......)  
  
His eyes returning to the screen,Seifer tried to concentrate,but an uneasy feeling had begun to take root,burning in the back of his mind......  
  
(......Be careful........)  
  
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(The Courtyard)  
  
As he strolled down the steps into the humid,shaded stone rectangle,edged with bright flowerbeds,Seifer was wholly unsuprised to see people get up,gathering their friends and lunches as they saw him.....  
  
A group of cadets passed by,dark gazes lancing his back,until they disappeared into the corridor.  
  
He took a seat on the furthest bench from the entrance,unpacking his food quickly,anxious to escape back to the sanctuary of.....well,there was nowhere truly safe,but at least the classroom door had a lock......  
  
  
He ate in silence,barely tasting the modest lunch of one sandwich and an apple.  
  
"Almasy? Hey Knight-boy!" There it was again,that voice,full of sarcasm.....overloaded with the confidence he once possessed.  
  
He glanced up,watching mutely as a gaggle of students approached,led by a SeeD,young and arrogant.....so like himself it caused Seifer to wince.  
  
(You were a dickhead.........)  
  
"I thought we told you...." Seifer focused on the cobbles,riveting his gaze to the floor once again.  
  
The SeeD was closer now,whispering in his ear, "Move.....get out of here now....this is your last warning." Seifer felt his body tense,desperate to break the hold of pacifism that he'd bound himself to....wrestling with the satisfying idea of grinding this little shit's head into the nearest tree....  
  
He stood,mouth set in a thin line,control hanging on a thread and stormed back into Garden's halls.......the ring of laughter falling behind with every step.  
  
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(Balamb-evening)  
  
The sky was surrendering to twilight as Seifer wandered back to his tiny home,he'd bought it when staying at Balamb Garden's dorms had become unbearable.When the thought of returning after a test to find his lock broken,his personal space violated by another gang of......enemies.....or finding little gifts,lying on his table.......a note......once a dead animal,it's blood staining the carpet,making him remember........  
  
He fumbled in his pocket for the keys,balancing his books under one arm.  
  
"Boo."  
  
"Yaah!" He gasped,staggering backwards,the texts falling to the pavement with a clatter,scattering at his feet.Reaching for his gunblade and finding only empty air,Seifer felt the first drops of rain dot his exposed skin.  
  
"Who's there?" He called through the escalating downpour,water slicking his clothes to his shaking body.  
  
"We warned you Almasy."   
  
(Oh shit.........)  
  
The punch came from nowhere,connecting with his jaw,a harsh crack reverberating through his skull,the bitter taste of blood on his tongue.  
  
(No.......please........)  
  
Another punch,followed by a sharp kick to his ribs....he could hear voices,muffled by the rain,chanting something,their were so many of them.....  
  
  
**traitor**  
  
Seifer stumbled,collapsing to his knees as the world swam infront of his squinting eyes.  
  
"Uggh!" The steel toecapped boot to his stomach felt like a firaga spell,ripping through his guts,he lurched forward,vomiting,retching his guts up onto the tarmac.  
  
(No........what did I do..........?)  
  
**Traitor**  
  
He tried to fight back,but the darkness was calling now,tingeing the edge of his vision with pools of inky black.He cried out into the night air,pain consuming him as a final kick snatched away his consciousness.  
  
**TRAITOR**  
  
(Please...........I-I........help me...........)  
  
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	2. salvation *or not*

Chapter Two:  
  
This chapter is dedicated to Hannah and Emma,the imfamous Lin-Lin and Ran-Ran twins!!!  
  
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Zell shifted the brown paper bag overflowing with groceries under his arm and tried in vain to keep a grip on the umbrella in his other hand.The rain was getting worse,lashing down in angry sheets,he could feel the chilling water beginning to permeate his flimsy trainer soles.  
  
(Typical,starts out nice and sunny,but nooooo it just has to go and rain on me.....stupid,bloody...)  
  
He was still grumbling as he turned the corner,set upon by a fresh barrage of   
precipitation.He shivered,wishing for the hundredth time that he'd worn a more substantial jacket.  
  
Zell was so engrossed in complaining that he walked straight into a mound lying on the side of the road,falling forward in a tangle of limbs,the grocery bag and umbrella flying out of his wet hands.  
  
(What the-??!!?)  
  
He sat up,rubbing his grazed elbow,a long train of swear words escaping his lips.He squinted through the deluge,eyes slitted as he scanned the road for the obstacle that had caused his rather ungraceful tumble.  
  
(Huh.......?)  
  
The bridge of Zell's nose creased and he cautiously approached the dark heap,lying in the mud filled gutter.  
  
(....A body?......)  
  
He knelt down,a ripple of fearful recognition passing through his mind,he leant in closer;Honey blonde hair,streaked with dirt,pale skin mottled with blossoming bruises.  
  
(SEIFER.......?)  
  
Zell carefully placed his hand under the older man's shoulder,rolling him onto his back.  
  
(...oh shit..........Who could do this to someone.....even Seifer doesn't-)  
  
He grimaced.Seifer's eyes were squeezed tightly shut,feeble protection from the pain he must've felt,crimson rivulets ran like the fleeting rain down his   
  
deathly face.Zell swallowed thickly and hoisted Seifer up on to his shoulder in one sure movement,abandoning his shopping he headed home....  
  
(.....Seifer?.....)  
  
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Zell laid Seifer's drenched body out onto his bed,supporting his battered head like a priceless sculpture.He tugged Seifer's black leather boots,throwing them against the side of his desk hurriedly.Seifer's clothes were dripping with blood,freezing,winter rain soaked through his flimsy outfit.  
  
Zell ran into the bathroom,hastily gathering up a few hi-potions,a roll of tissue paper,a towel and one small vial of elixir.  
  
He placed them in an unstable pile next to the bed and knelt down,his eyes searching Seifer's body for injuries.  
  
He slowly pulled Seifer's t-shirt over his head,exposing the pale,muscular chest beneath,it was ruined with bruises,deep cuts trailing with blood.Zell,cast his inspection over Seifer's arms.  
  
(WHAT.......???)  
  
Seifer's forearm was criss-crossed with scars....some old,fading and thin,but others were a dark purple,gashes stretching from his thin wrist to his elbow.Zell choked,clamping a hand over his mouth.  
  
(I'm gonna be sick.......Seifer....you couldn't....)  
  
He closed his eyes,willing himself to concentrate on Seifer's wounds.  
  
(When he wakes up,I can find out the truth......)  
  
He pushed back the blonde bangs,slicked to Seifer's forehead and emptied the contents of a hi-potion bottle onto a piece of tissue.His hands shaking,breath burning his lungs with the effort to stay clam he gently wiped the blood and grime from Seifer's face,tending his injuries with the utmost care.  
  
His eyes roamed,drinking in Seifer's strong,lean body,his sharp,unblemished profile,down.....down to his slender waist....and further.....  
  
(Stop it....there are good times for everything....and now.....is not one of them)  
  
Zell took a couple of steadying mouthfuls of air,forcing his mind to focus on the task at hand.  
  
(There will be plenty of time for questions,for 'that'.....later on)  
  
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A distorted blur........colours shifting,merging infront of his eyes.....and the light,it hurt like-.....like a punch in the face........sounds,a voice distant,but firm,calling something.........  
  
"Seifer?"  
  
"......."  
  
"Seifer....wake up."  
  
"......mmh?"  
  
"It's okay now...."  
  
Seifer's vision phased out of focus,finally returning with a wave of dizziness,he groaned softly,raising a hand to rub his aching forehead.He gazed around the room,it was small,decorated in an almost military palette of blues,but clothes were strewn over every surface,empty food wrappers discarded on a paper covered desk,a punchbag hung up on the far wall,it's rough leather surface scuffed out of existence.  
  
His eyes settled on the blonde boy,sat next to the bed he was lying on,he smiled the irony of the situation apparent to them both.....  
  
"Zell?"   
  
The young blonde bit his lip, "I-....Seifer who did this?"  
  
"Cade-" Seifer's answer caught in his throat,as he realised Zell wasn't talking about the beating,  
  
He was pointing to Seifer's forearm,his summer blue eyes wide with apprehension.Seifer looked at the white slashes,pocking his tanned skin......  
  
(......Why did you have to find me......couldn't have just left me to drown in the gutter........)  
  
He swung his legs over the cot,finding his boots and scrabbling to lace them,before Zell could say anymore.  
  
"Seifer....You have to tell me...did you?"  
  
He stopped,glaring at the SeeD with dangerous eyes, "Just leave me alone....." He growled,turning to leave despite the ache tearing up his sides,the dull throb of a migraine still licking at his temples.  
  
"But,Seifer?!?!" Zell's words were filled with fear....Seifer looked back,his gaze softening, "Look,Thankyou....if you hadn't come alone,well...." He trailed off,unable to articulate his gratitude.  
  
Zell nodded,sitting silently as Seifer fled the room,the door slamming behind him,venturing out into the night.  
  
(Seifer....you stupid bastard......you need help........)  
  
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	3. Compassion

Chapter Three:   
  
*Tweet*  
  
"Uh......?"  
  
*TWEET*  
  
"....." Zell rolled over,his eyes reacting badly to the shaft of golden sunlight slashed across his pillow.Seifer's scent still hung in the stale air,a sharp tinge of seasalt mixed with his fragrant aftershave.Zell took a   
  
deep breath,letting the last vestiges of sleepiness bleed from his body.  
  
(Are you alright?.......no really.......doing 'that' to yourself,it isn't healthy......why?......Why didn't you tell someone?......mind you,it's not like we've been friendly to you,we let the insults ride,the messages on the computers were ignored.....brushed under the carpet of silence......we let you down......i'm sorry,I just stood by and watched while you suffered.....)  
  
Zell closed his eyes,the beating of his heart echoing around the walls,not masking the flutter of guilt stirring in his mind.He flung the bedcovers aside and sat up.He caught his reflection in the mirror,sniffing with derision.His hair was a mess,dark circles the only reminder of the hours spent restlessly tossing last night.  
  
(Thinking of you....The way you treated me,I know that wasn't you......i'm so sure.........you've never been far from my thoughts,but what could I say with everyone banding together,boycotting your friendship.....it was the hardest thing I've ever done.......)  
  
He gathered up his clothes for the day,and the happy facade he'd wear was pulled into place,any hint of his anxiety buried deep inside....  
  
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(Balamb Garden cafeteria-About noon)  
  
There they were,the SeeD's who'd vanquished Ultimecia only a few months ago....seeming so high and mighty to the new cadets,these were seasoned veterans who could claim to have saved the world......  
  
Zell walked towards the others,his shoulders slouched,eyes downcast.Selphie noticed him first,her eyes lighting up as she bounded over,barrelling him over with a hug.  
  
(Affectionate as ever.....)  
  
"Hey! how-ya-doin?-We're-fine-Irvy-and-me-that-is-I-can't-speak-for-us-all-have-ya-had-lunch-yet-huh?-huh?-huh?" She stopped,releasing his neck and breathing heavily.  
  
Zell caught Irvine's wry smile over his shoulder,a tiny flash of jealously in his emerald eyes.  
  
"I'm okay," He started,leaning against the edge of the table they were clustered round.Several grinning faces looked up at him,greetings over and done with in a few seconds.Squall finished off his drink,putting a casual arm around Rinoa's pale shoulder, "I heard that classes have been cancelled for today,some kinda meeting or something..." He shot Rinoa a sly glance.Quistis rolled her eyes,gesturing elegantly, "That's right,Cid and the other instructors are busy,so you're free..for today." She added ominously.  
  
"what are ya gonna do today,Zell?" Selphie stuck her tongue out at him cheekily.He folded his arms,staring at the floor,unable to meet her puppydog eyes.....  
  
"I'm going to see Seifer."   
  
A can fell to the floor,there were intakes of breath,mumbled comments.....shock exploded into the air......Zell glanced up,realising that he had an audience now.......  
  
"Why the HELL are you going to see him?" Squall stood up,his chair clattering back against the tiles.  
  
Zell blinked at him,trying to keep his voice steady, "He got beaten up last night,it was pretty rough and I found him.....I just want to check if he's okay." Irvine's voice rose over the tide of accusing shouts being hurled at Zell from the cadets.  
  
"Who cares.....He chose his friends when he sided with Ultimecia." Zell nearly fell off the table,his eyes widening in surprise.  
  
(How can you say that.....)  
  
"We know he was under the control of Ultimecia then...he's changed." Zell cried,his fists balling with frustration, "Rinoa,tell them....he was just a puppet...a victim....." Zell gazed at her,desperation in his words.She bit her lip,silent under Squall's raking glare....  
  
(Heartless.......I though you guys would understand..........)  
  
Squall stepped round the table,his face suddenly inches from Zell's,he prodded Zell in the chest, "You shouldn't hang round with bastards like Almasy,just leave him alone.....it's better for all of us." Zell sneered at him,barely believing how little he thought he'd known these people.  
  
"Don't any of you care?" He turned to the SeeD's in the cafeteria,reaching out with his emotional plea, "Seifer is hurting......" He paused,hesitant to violate Seifer's trust.He lowered his voice,waiting until the surrounding cadets returned to their conversations.  
  
"He's hurting himself....i'm sure of it.I found scars on his arms last night." Squall backed off,his eyes losing their fury.....  
  
"Are you positive?" Quistis asked worriedly,only letting her concern show now that Squall was subdued.Zell nodded,his voice deserting him.  
  
She shook her head, "I'll speak to Cid,after the meeting....even if no one gives a shit about him," She looked over at Squall disgustedly. "He deserves some kind of help....counselling maybe." Zell thanked her with a smile,feeling the silence wrapped around the room like a blanket.....  
  
"Go,see if he's recovering." she motioned to the door.Zell nodded,willing to escape the suffocating atmosphere as fast as his legs could carry him.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. In My Dreams

Chapter four:  
  
**You make believe that nothing is wrong until you're crying,  
crying on me and you make believe that nothing is wrong until   
you're dying,dying on me....**  
  
Limp Bizkit-Rearranged.  
  
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(two hours later,after Cid's meeting)  
  
*Bing Bong*  
  
"Will Candidate Almasy,Seifer please come to Principal Cid's office immediately."  
  
Seifer's eyes opened as he picked out his name from the music playing in the empty dorm where he'd set up his stereo.He had only recently discovered this room,secreted in the dustiest,unused area of the dorms.  
  
(Finally......don't have to look over my shoulder,wondering when the next person is gonna....when they'll......hurt me again.......)  
  
He rubbed a hand over his face,swiping the moisture from the corner of his eyes,trying not to remember the pain and the emptiness he'd felt that night....so fresh in his memory.....so raw like an unnoticed wound that still bled.....  
  
(Wake up......just don't let it get to you......under your skin....)  
  
He swung his legs over the side of the bare mattress,sitting up and pulling the sleeves of his jumper down over his hands,bracing himself for the day ahead...  
  
(Wonder what Cid wants?)  
  
Suddenly it struck him,he halted so abruptly in the hall,that several students cannoned into his back,shoving him out of the way roughly,but he barely felt their embittered fingers on his body.....  
  
(The SeeD exam......don't tell me......I passed?......Hyne.....)  
  
He sprinted for the elevator,oblivious to anyone and everyone,the sour looks going unreturned,the cat-calls registering zero on his ears......  
  
(This is it..........)  
  
He pressed the button for the third floor with a glimmer of hope,beginning to spark back to life in his chest.  
  
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Zell,meanwhile was dashing from hall to hall frantically searching for the older blonde.He leant on his knees,the breath wrenched from his burning lungs.  
  
"Where the hell are you.....?" He asked the deserted corridor,a subtle tinge of worry in his voice.  
  
(.....Where are you?....please,just be okay........)  
  
  
  
He sighed wearily and began searching once again.  
  
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(Cid's Office)  
  
Seifer nearly skidded straight through the large,ornate doors to Cid's office and fell over his desk,but he stopped short,reminding himself that "SeeDs" did not conduct themselves with such immaturity.  
  
(Calm down.......breathe in.......breathe out......)  
  
He adjusted himself,checking his clothes and hair to make sure everything was just perfect.With a curt knock on the wooden panel,he entered....  
  
"Seifer." Cid regarded him from behind his massive,mahogany desk,spread out like the expanse of Centra between them.He motioned for Seifer to take a seat,reaching into his drawer to retrieve what Seifer assumed was his profile from the main computer.  
  
"I have some news," he began,looking at Seifer over his wire-rimmed spectacles.  
  
(This is it......I've waited for too long for today.....)  
  
Seifer's heart felt as if it where about to leap from his throat,a warm sensation of pride and anticipation stirring in his guts.  
  
"Due to circumstances beyond my control,I'm dismissing you from SeeD and this Garden." Cid gave Seifer a sympathetic look,gauging his reaction carefully.  
  
(What...........no.....you're joking......right?)  
  
Seifer blinked at him,unable to comprehend the words coming from his headmaster's mouth.The exciting glow from a few seconds ago drained from his body about as fast as the colour from his face.....He sat in silence,choking on his own horror...  
  
"I understand this must come as quite a shock,but I assure you I had nothing to do with this decision." Cid angled his head towards Seifer,concern blossoming in his eyes.  
  
(You can't do this.......my dreams,do they mean nothing?.....)  
  
He kicked the chair back,staggering,tripping over his own heels.Cid stood,reaching out to his distressed student, "Wait,Seifer-" Seifer gazed at him,with blazing eyes,and turned,running for the door without a sound.  
  
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(Why?...........I tried so hard this time...I gave it everything and now i'm out.......I don't understand.........)  
  
He fled,pushing material obstacles out of his path,in a blind sprint out of Garden.He slammed into the doors,emerging outside,sunlight beating down on the walled area leading towards Balamb....towards home......  
  
  
  
Someone was shouting him......pleas to stop,but he couldn't,the anguish of Cid's announcement filled his heart with bitterness,driving him forwards....  
  
(I have to get away.......Run...........)  
  
He clattered down the stairs onto the road for Balamb,caught up in the haze of his own misery......  
  
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Zell was on the verge of giving up his wild goosechase for Seifer.....maybe Squall was right.....  
  
(Maybe he just wants to be left alone.......but.......everybody needs someone right?)  
  
He smirked at his sentimentality........  
  
There was a chorus of panicked cries as he entered the last unchecked section of Balamb Garden,near the exit.He watched as someone stumbled through the clusters of SeeDs talking and laughing on their way to lunch.  
  
(Seifer?....Seifer,What's wrong?........)  
  
He ran after the cadet,shoving people out of the way,his legs pumping as he tore down the road for Balamb.  
  
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Zell finally caught up to him about half-way to Balamb town,he'd slowed to a walk now,his shoulders slumped in defeat.Zell bounded up behind him,his breathing shallow,ragged from all the running.  
  
"What's up?" He asked,trying to maintain a light tone.  
  
Seifer carried on walking,ignoring his question completely.Zell frowned and stepped infront of him,putting a determined hand on his hip.  
  
"You're not getting rid of me that easily.Tell me what's going on!" He demanded.Seifer looked up and Zell noticed the bleakness in his eyes,the thin set of his mouth,he moved to speak.....  
  
(Zell.....I-)  
  
".....Zell.." He whispered,falling forward into the martial artist's arms,his body sagging against Zell's as they fell into a crumpled heap on the side of the road.  
  
(Oh my god........)  
  
Zell's cheeks flushed and he almost recoiled at Seifer's warmth against his skin,his arms wrapped tightly,desperately around Zell's waist,his head buried in Zell's chest.  
  
(Is he....crying?)  
  
Never in all the eighteen years Zell had know Seifer had he seen the scarred man shed a single tear....he stammered,forcing the shaking from his bones....  
  
"Seifer.....don't cry....I'm here."  
  
Seifer sniffed,gazing up at him,with a tear-streaked face,his eyes overflowing with pain and terror....he reminded Zell of a child,so defenceless and alone.  
  
(this can't be Seifer......he used to be so confident,so........)  
  
"I....Cid discharged me from SeeD....." A fresh river of tears drowned any more words with sobbing.  
  
Zell swallowed thickly,snatching at some of his forgotten strength.....  
  
(Hyne,he's a mess........I have to take care of him.....or else he might......)  
  
He dismissed the thought with a deep gasp of sea air,collecting his courage.  
  
"Let's just go to my place,okay...get you patched up." Seifer nodded,not realising that his clothes were torn,his forehead blemished by a single cut reaching up into his hairline.Zell supported his weight,sliding a hand around his waist and limping them both slowly home......  
  
(.......My dream..........it's all over..........)  
  
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I just wanna apologise for all the bad treatment Seifer's getting,(poor love!) I would like to say it's gonna get better.......but you'll just have to wait and see......^_^ luv nakiko  
  
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	5. Connection

Chapter Five:  
  
Just wanna sat thanx to all the artists and authors who've responded to my appeal for help on this dojinshi.it's the first time I've done anything this BIG and I've been supported really well......^_^ Also a huggle goes out to Jux for the lovely review,it made my day!  
  
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(Zell's Room-five hours later.)  
  
Seifer was sleeping now....his chest rising and falling slowly under the dark blue sheets of Zell's bed,eyes closed,dead to the world....  
  
(Seifer's in my bed......MY BED.......)  
  
Zell forced himself to quell the rush of forbidden thoughts this prospect had enlightened him to,he felt his cheeks bloom with a prickling blush and tried to look somewhere,anywhere but at the comatose figure lying a few feet away.  
  
(....I have to go and see Cid tomorrow,get this sorted out....there is no way.....I won't let Seifer get discharged.......if he left I-)  
  
"Chickenwuss......" Zell swung round,nearly toppling off his chair in surprise.Seifer was staring back at him,his face pale and so totally devoid of.....well any emotion that Zell winced internally,before moving to kneel at the bedside.Seifer was wearing a borrowed SeeD t-shirt with black trousers,his own clothes were drying in the summer breeze on the line outside.  
  
"Hey......" He started,covering up his dread with a sunny smile.  
  
Seifer's brow creased and he glanced around the room,slightly disorientated,but the memories of the last few hours where quick to surface,hitting him like a ten tonne weigh,his eyes lingered on the window,the bright sunlight streaming in,warming his skin......  
  
(.....It's over.What do I do now?.......I....)  
  
"Seifer?" Zell's voice was overwrought,timid in it's honesty, "You need help....I want to-"   
  
Seifer's slender finger placed upon his lips cut any offer,any olive branch Zell had been trying to extend,he smiled,a miserable twitch of his mouth,that Zell was convinced held no relief at all,merely there for someone else's benefit.  
  
"I'll be okay...." He replied,barely able to sustain the cloak of confidence he'd wrapped himself up in oncemore.Zell gazed back at him,obviously unconvinced,his leather gloved hand closed around Seifer's.  
  
"Liar." He said simply,clutching Seifer's shaking hand to his body,leaning forward over the sheets,so that he was close enough to whisper.  
  
"I'll talk to Cid,you'll be a SeeD,and no one is going to stop you." His words were so determined,so impassioned.Seifer's entire body tingled with a strange mix of pride and confusion.  
  
(He'd do this......for me?........I'm nothing,I don't deserve his comfort,his attention.......)  
  
  
Seifer's icy blue eyes searched Zell's,the argument bleeding from them like an icecube melting in the sunlight......replaced by a shimmer that only boded more tears.  
  
(I can't believe this.......he's so close......but I can't take advantage of this.......Seifer,I just want you to be happy.....)  
  
Zell released his hand,resting his elbows on the pastel sheets,avoiding Seifer's intense stare for the first time.  
  
"I know it sounds cheesy......" Seifer turned away,hiding his face embarrasedly.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Would you....no,it doesn't matter..." He dismissed the idea with a weak gesture.  
  
"What is it?" Zell asked curiously.  
  
Seifer bit his lip,hesitating for a second,   
  
"..........forget it....."   
  
Zell wasn't one to miss a chance.He impulsively pulled back the covers,slipping his shoes off and lying down next to Seifer,his body taking over before his idle mind had time to catch up.Seifer shifted,turning back to see Zell,barely a hands breadth away,his face filled with trepidation.  
  
(Zell.........)  
  
(........Can't help myself......I won't deny.......)  
  
Seifer gasped softly as Zell slid his arms around him,encircling his battered body with warmth and comfort,a harsh contrast to the anger and isolation he'd been living with for everyday since Ultimecia stole his soul.....He could feel the beating of Zell's heart,hammering against the side of his head as he laid himself open,letting Zell hold him as no one had before.....  
  
(What am I doing?........He'll guess.....he'll see how I feel......)  
  
Zell stilled the warring voices in his head,concentrating on the moment,the heat of Seifer's trembling body pressed to his own,the feel of his hands,connecting with his waist,leaving imprints of desire wherever they touched....Zell embraced the former knight tightly,ran his fingers through Seifer's honey coloured hair,tenderness shining through as he wished this moment would never end........  
  
(Zell..............)  
  
He smiled,something breaking in both their hearts as Seifer whispered,through his tears and the lull of dreamless sleep they were both being pulled into...  
  
"Zell......thankyou."  
  
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*phew!* That chapter was a bitch to write.......I hope y'all like it tho....I'm in an angsty mood so Hyne knows what'll happen next! luv nakiko  
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	6. Sacrifice

Chapter Six:  
  
This is dedicated to Choogalee,a new friend of mine from AOL,and an aspiring writer *Hurry up and post your story!!!* Thanks for all your support Choo ^_^  
  
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Zell didn't bother to knock,his palm slamming into the heavy panelled door of Cid's office,pushing it forward hard enough for the frames to creak in protest.Cid looked up for his papers,an expression of startled annoyance on his creased features.He went to speak,but Zell's firm gesture cut him off like a knife.  
  
"Why did you discharge Seifer?" He asked bluntly,forsaking any formalities or courtesy he usually displayed towards the headmaster.Cid frowned back at him,his eyes narrowing, "It wasn't my decision." Seifer piped up,entering the room to stand by Zell's side, "You said that already." He replied with a lilt of sarcasm,that old confidence seeping back into his voice.  
  
Cid's body tensed, "Certain people in.....higher positions than myself decided that Seifer is..was a liability." He let a tiny shrug escape to his shoulders,regretting it the second his eyes met Zell's.The petite blonde boy was shaking,his high cheekbones tinged with scarlet,he spoke in a barely controlled whisper, "What.....I ask you Mr.Headmaster...has Seifer done to be a liability,besides working like a dog to become the best SeeD at this Garden...putting up with the abuse you let your students punish him with." He paused,the breath stolen from his lungs.Cid matched his students tone,any hint of flippancy long gone, "I told you,Dinct.Seifer is no longer welcome at this Garden,that is final and I'd advise you," He shifted his blazing eyes to Seifer,  
  
(Don't like to be told the truth do you.....?......To have your power undermined by someone else.......you bastard......)  
  
"To get off Garden property." He finished,returning to his documents.Zell cracked,his fist ramming into the surface of Cid's desk,the wood splintering,sending ornaments and files crashing to the floor.  
  
"Don't you even care?!?" He yelled,dropping the facade of control.  
  
Cid ignored his question.....  
  
"Fine!....Seifer isn't your responsibility anymore......and neither am I."  
  
(Zell! What the hell are you doing......?)  
  
Seifer gasped,stepping back involuntarily,waiting for Cid's reaction,but Zell grabbed his arm,dragging him from the room without a word.....his anger threatening to consume them all.  
  
Cid's voice rang out as the elevator doors swished shut,his pleas for Zell to come back falling on deaf ears.......  
  
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Seifer's faculties returned as soon as they walked out into the baking sunlight at the entrance to Garden.  
  
"Zell." He wrenched his arm free from the martial artist's vice-like grip.  
  
The blonde turned back,lancing him with a furious glance.Seifer's hand flicked out of nowhere,the stinging slap making Zell's cheek flush with colour.  
  
(Wake up........Zell,you're losing it.......)  
  
"T-thanks...." Zell said quietly,pushing the last remnants of his rage to the back of his mind.Seifer fiddled with his choker,refusing to meet Zell's eyes,a rush of guilt filling his face.  
  
(....I just hurt him,Zell I should be thanking you.....but now we're both lost,we've both shattered our dreams.......it's like we've taken one step forward and six back......)  
  
Seifer was just about to apologise when a familiar voice,accompanied by twin sets of footfalls approached them from behind.  
  
"Squall....Irvine." Zell said blandly.  
  
Squall's lips curled into a smile,overflowing with contempt, "Seifer...what are you doing here? I thought you'd been dumped." Irvine laughed,low and satisfied at Seifer's obvious discomfort, "Like the refuse you are..." Squall joined in his chorus,alerting the students around them,voyeurs to the building tension....  
  
Zell sneered at his former comrades, "We're leaving.I don't need friends like you." Squall clapped his hands to his cheeks in mock anxiety, "what?" He raised his voice so everyone present could hear, "going to move in together are you?....has he finally found out what you are Zell?" Zell's eyes flickered from Squall to Seifer and back again.  
  
(What is it.......Zell,what's wrong?)  
  
Squall put a hand on his hip,angling his head to the side,regarding Zell like a fresh dog-turd, "You and lover-boy.....I bet you're gonna do it every night now!" The courtyard erupted into a sea of smiling faces,laughter filling the air.  
  
Seifer was infront of Squall before he could even blink,his fist connected with the dark-haired SeeD's jaw,splattering blood on his pale face.Squall staggered backwards clutching his mouth, "You bastard,I'll make sure you pay for this..." Irvine nodded his head in agreement and they both stormed from the courtyard.  
  
Seifer stood silently,his hand held out,quivering as he stared at it in disbelief.  
  
(Did I just?......)  
  
Zell's arms on his shoulders brought him hurtling back to reality, "Come on,let's get out of here." He led the dazed man to the gates........Seifer cast one final glance back at Garden....saying goodbye to his dream.  
  
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(Three hours later.)  
  
Seifer gazed up at the ceiling of his bedroom,trying to keep his thoughts superficial,not to get caught up in the prison of memories he'd escaped from once before......with Zell's help,but now.......  
  
  
(Squall......was he right......is Zell only helping me because he fancies me as his latest conquest?)  
  
What were they going to anyway? Get proper jobs? Who'd employ a temperamental martial artist and a failed sorceress' knight......world domination wasn't a good point for anyone's CV.  
  
He shook his head,driving the nagging questions,the fears from his head.  
  
*Knock knock*  
  
(Zell...........)  
  
Stumbling off his bed he entered the living room of the modest house and opened the latch on his door,caution kicking in at the last moment.  
  
"Hello?" He called into the evening shadows.  
  
(nothing.......)  
  
He was about to return to quiet self-antagonism when a small piece of paper lying on the mat caught his attention.  
  
You'll pay......soon enough along with your little blonde lover.........  
  
Seifer's breath hitched in his throat,his body stiffening with dread and he fled inside,bolting the door,sliding down to the ground still holding the note in his trembling fingers.Something deep inside him snapped........  
  
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Zell finished spooning the last of his makeshift dinner into his mouth,he dropped the plate onto a mound of unwashed cutlery lying discarded on the draining board.  
  
(...I can't believe him.....)  
  
He flipped through the television guide,lounging over the sofa and turning the widescreen on,not really paying any attention to the blur of colours and muted voices playing across the screen.  
  
(Squall Leonheart.....he was my friend,they all were,I fought for them.... and where does it leave me......sleeping with the enemy 'literally'......)  
  
A smile rose to his lips,he closed his eyes,invoking the scent of Seifer's body,the nerve juddering feeling in the pit of his stomach that thinking of the scarred knight conjured up.  
  
(Wonder what he's doing now........to much to hope he feels the same way eh/ not after Squall fucked it up for us all........)  
  
Zell ran a hand through his softly spike blonde hair,sighing heavily.He hopped off the sofa and approached the window.The sky was a ghostly lilac,slashed with thin rivulets of cerise........his eyes swept across the small town below,the tiny uniform houses,the cobbled streets,so empty in the humid evening air,the dock,edged by the raging breakers,tipped with lily-white foam....he noticed something else,panic striking at his heart as he scrambled for the door.........  
  
  
(Hyne!!?!?.......no.........)  
  
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(I shouldn't be doing this.......I'm sick,I know that,but..........)  
  
(They're after me,again,it's never gonna go away........I'll always be running........running from the past,I've done some stupid things.......I tried,Hyne knows I wanted to be a SeeD.......my dream it's gone like blossom petals in Spring,dashed in the dirt under my feet...........)  
  
(Zell.........it hurts,but you'll forget me..........find someone else to chase.........I'm too much trouble.......too much pain for everyone.....)  
  
Seifer leant forward,drinking the salty breeze,as it licked his cheeks,ruffling his clothes,cooling the fever on his brow.........he pulled the knife from the folds of his jacket,turning it over in his hands,watching the metal glint in the dying rays of yesterday's sun.  
  
(You'll all be better off without me.......)  
  
He closed his eyes,letting himself savour the last taste of sea air,the last sounds of the waves breaking angrily against the side of the dock.....the knife point poised above his chest,held up to the skies in an offering of his sacrifice......  
  
(..........)  
  
"NO!" Seifer felt a pair of strong arms clamp around his waist,pulling him back from the brink,the single word so focused in it's anguish that he paused,the knife still hanging in the void of growing darkness.  
  
"Zell?" Seifer asked softly.  
  
"If you're going to kill yourself,you'll have to take me with you..." Zell replied tremors spreading through his body.  
  
"You know.......I can't..."  
  
Seifer opened his eyes,the heat of Zell's body pressed so firmly,so desperately against his own causing the blade to slip from his grasp,disappearing into the liquid swirl below.  
  
He collapsed,dragging Zell down with him,a crumpled heap illuminated only by the pools of streetlight casting back the blackness weakly.Zell's breathing mirrored his own,tortured,the sudden burst of adrenaline racing through their systems like a drug.  
  
(You'd do this........die for me?.........I never understood........Zell do you?)  
  
Seifer tried to speak,his words catching,blow away on the ocean winds along with his blind insanity....  
  
He prised Zell's fingers from his hips,shifting to look at the younger SeeD.He gazed back at Seifer,eyes wide in apprehension,brimming with tears.  
  
"Don't leave me." Zell whispered,his voice cracking.  
  
Seifer smiled.....a genuine one this time,relief dawning on Zell's face...  
  
Zell leant in,sliding a hand round to the back of his neck,the graze of his lips against Seifer's sending a tiny jolt of electricity up both their spines.Seifer opened his mouth,Zell's tongue brushing his own,he tasted sweet,like summer fruits,bubblegum.........such relief from the loneliness,such comfort from the lack of intimacy.......all the longing and love placed in the hope of just this single kiss.Zell moaned,low in his throat,his hand tangling up into Seifer's sunlight-blonde hair,pulling him in closer,deeper.......   
  
(I love you..........I always have........)  
  
Finally they parted,breathless and not quite sure what had just happened.......Zell smiled back at him,elation blatant on his tattooed face.Seifer cupped his cheek,rubbing his thumb along Zell's sharp jawline.  
  
(Listen to me..........)  
  
"Zell......I don't love you." He said solemnly.  
  
Zell's smile evaporated,his eyes clouding over with that forgotten fear,he moved to object but Seifer pressed a finger over his moist lips.  
  
"But,.......I could learn to....." He willed all the hidden warmth back into his expression,lost for so long,he barely realised that it still remained,the dark corner of his subconscious that could care for someone.......that could care for Zell.......  
  
Zell's mood broke and he pulled Seifer into a tight embrace,slipping his arms around Seifer's neck,holding him so protectively,it made Seifer's heart melt.........  
  
(.....I can stop running........I'm not alone anymore.....)  
  
(Seifer......I'll wait for you......)  
  
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~FIN~  
  
Thanx to all the kind reviewers of this ficcie.I hope y'all liked it!! I'll be concentrating on the dojinshi for a while now,so 'Wilderness' won't be updated for a few weeks,but fear not I will complete it *looks determinedly at the sky outside her window* Sorry,zoned out there! Anyway,thanx everyone who's supported me. ^_^  
luv Nakiko  
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